Coachella: The Best Show You Can't Afford

With the Coachella 2012 lineup announced, people wearing cardigans across America are salivating onto their laptops as they unleash their credit cards on the internet, buying band tee's for those acts their friends stopped listening to when they got their record deal. This year, the festival promises to single-handedly pull the United States out of the financial crisis by generating it's own small nation worth of commercial expenditure. Unfortunately, the majority of festival goers' time will still be spent in line for disgusting portable disease hatcheries, and $11.00 water.

Anybody who knows the festival by name, will surely remember the insanity of last year, when tickets for the festival sold out in 6 days. Personally, it took me a week just to finally get the Coachella main page to load... I never had a chance. Seeing as how I also couldn't swing the 4.9 billion dollar passes for resale on eBay, I wasn't in attendance in 2011.

However, this year the festival has been split into two identical 3 day showings, promising to make more tickets available, and theoretically allowing a much larger attendance. What this really means is that now, extravagant hipsters can be filthy in the desert for 6 days instead of 3, while they pretend that they all came to see the daytime acts, and hide their embarrassment at how their suburban sensibilities are challenged by the day 3 hip-hop finale. (Dre and Snoop!) Official festival dates are April 13-15th, and the 20-22nd.

For anybody who didn't dive on presale tickets late last year, festival passes will go on sale Friday, January 13th starting at $285. Now, check out the lineup, and have fun being distraught over which day you can afford to go to, once you decide you don't really need to eat next month after all.

Check after the break for an easily readable text list too!

Friday, April 13 & 20:
The Black Keys, Swedish House Mafia, Pulp, Refused, Arctic Monkeys, Mazzy Star, Afrojack, Explosions in the Sky, M83, Amon Tobin, Cat Power, Madness, Jimmy Cliff & Tim Armstrong, GIRLS, The Rapture, Madeon, M. Ward, The Horrors, Frank Ocean, Horrors, James Alesso, Sebastien, Yuck, Neon Indian, Dawes, Black Angels, Deathgrips, Wu Lyf, Breakbot, Atari Teenage Riot, Feed Me, Givers, Other Lives, Band of Skulls, R3hab, Wolfgang, Midnight Beast, EMA, Ximena Sarinana, Kendrick Lamar, The Dear Hunter, Honeyhoney, Hello Seahorse!, Sheepdogs, LA Riots

Saturday, April 14 and 21:
Radiohead, Bon Iver, The Shins, David Guetta, Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds, Kaskade, Miike Snow, Jeff Mangum, Sebastian Ingrosso, Andrew Bird, Feist, Firehose, Godspeed You! Black Emperor, St. Vincent, Martin Solveig, Subfocus, Sbtrkt, Flying Lotus, Manchester Orchestra, Kasabian, AWOL Nation, Azealia Banks, Squeeze, A$AP Rocky, Buzzcocks, Kaiser Chiefs, Destroyer, The Head and the Heart, Laura Marling, Tuneyards, Grace Potter and the Nocturnals, Black Lips, The Big Pink, Childish Gambino, The Vaccines, Zed’s Dead, Grouplove, Jacques Lu Cont, We Were Promised, Jetpacks, Gary Clark Jr., Borgore, Dragonette, We Are Augustines, Mt. Eden, Destructo, Suedehead, Keep Shelley in Athens, Pure Filth Sound

Sunday, April 15 and 22:
Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg, At the Drive-In, Justice, Florence and the Machine, AVICII, La Roux, Beirut, The Weeknd, Girl Talk, The Hives, DJ Shadow, Calvin Harris, Nero, Wild Flag, Modeselektor, Dada Life, Porter Robinson, Santigold, Flux Pavilion, Dr. P, Gotye, Seun Keti, Egypt 80, Beats Antique, Fitz and the Tantrums, Araabmuzik, Company Flow, Real Estate, Zed, Le Bucherettes, Greg Ginn, The Growlers, Noisia, Morgan Page, Gaslamp Killer, First Aid Kit, Oberhofer, Lissie, Thundercat, Metronomy, Wild Beasts, Housse de Racket, Fanfarlo, Spector, Gardens & Villa, Airplane Boys, Sleeper Agent